✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈✈ flying to Delhi, India =)

Please be good to me!

My New Header =)

I changed my blog header today. =)
I just feel like Ive been a clown lately, hiding the fear, the sadness inside, braving the world of SFS.

Mom's not in her best shape, at the back of my mind, I always worry, but I go out into the world of Inflight Services and and Im this happy bubbly person. I guess it's good in a way, coz I am facing a new challenge, just always giving my best in everything that I do.

Dual Personality me, is I guess, the best me! =)

Mga Comment ni Vaughn sa mga Picture ko sa FB.

Nakakamiss ang pamangkin ko =)

Totoo pala na ang mga bata mga bundle of joy talaga ng mga matatanda, kasi kapag nalulungkot ako makausap ko lang si Vaughn gumagaan pakiramdam ko.

Disclaimer: mejo bulol pa din si Vaughn at nde pa din ma pronounce ang S , T pa din ito. hehe ang cute.



VAUGHN: Ninang nakita ko bumili ka ng jumping rope!!!
ME: Nde akin yon! hahahha



VAUGHN: Ninang, baket ka pumatok ta loob nyan? nagpapakidnap ka ata ta mga tundalo eh! Nagpapakidnap ka ba ta mga toldiert?
Me: Nde naman sila kidnapper, mga good soldiers sila! ( yuck pacute kasi ako ng pacute! mukha pala kong nagpapa kidnap! hahahah )



VAUGHN: Yackk ka ninang nakikita ko pototoy mo!!!
Me: Ganyan din ba titi mo?
VAUGHN: NDE POOOOO!!!
Me: HAhahahhahahahah

So Broken Hearted Today

This morning when I called my dad, he said they received a call that a kidney match was found for my mom. I was overjoyed and overwhelmed at the same time. I was at my promotional training for a leadership role and immediately I felt like a lost child and I did not do what to do. I am enveloped with worry and the level of stress I felt was beyond what I could take. I wanted to immediately fly back home and know exactly what was going on, and what was happening. The torture of being so far away really is taking its toll. I called evry chance I had and after like 2 hours of not receiving another call, I felt we once again lost the kidney to someone else. =(

when I got the sms that it was given to someone else. I could no longer contain myself and had to know what went wrong this time and what exactly was the reason why it was not given to my mom. I left the training room and called my mom. Her voice is filled with disappointment and it hurt that it lacked of the usual positive tone saying maybe it wasnt really meant for her. She said she did not get it because she lacked of check up last month and this month. And this was because her doctor told her last February that she was OK for transplant and that she should have another check up only after three months. And now because of that, she did notget the kidney. What the fuck is that? It was the doctor who advised her to stop having check ups and now tha reason she was not qualified was because she lacked of it? How fucked up is that? It made me sick to my stomach that that was the reason why mom did not qualify. I am so confused and really starting to lose faith with her doctors.

The first time my mom almost got a kidney was last October 7, the day of my grandmother's funeral and my husband's bday, Mommy was in the province to pay her last respects for her mom and even if she did get the call, she wouldn't make it on time to do the procedure in Manila. And in my heart, I was scared that she might not be able to handle the transplant because she was hurting inside with my grandmother's death. So at that time, it was easier for me to accept that maybe it wasn't really meant for us. But the call today, I thought it was really going to be ours. =( I really hoped that it could be ours. but yet again, it was not.

What a coincidence that the first time she was called for a kidney, the donor had an accident with his motorcycle, he was a 19 year old male from Cebu, today, another 19 year old male had died of a motorcyle accident and he was a match to my mom. Sigh. I pray for their souls.

I am so sad today. So Broken. Im trying to convince myself it's ok but it's not. I am surprised at how I let the day go by with the training. Everyday my prayer is for a kidney. And today I would say it was somehow like an answered prayer but not just yet. I want to think that maybe it was not really meant to be. Maybe it really isn't.

Right now, I am finding solace from the thought that at this moment, this very day, there is a family rejoicing for the kidney that was meant for them and not us. I am sure somebody out there, is sooo happy , soo filled with joy with a successful kidney transplant. I am sour graping and it hurts. But the wait is almost unbearable and the thought of my mom getting disappointed over and over again is hurting me to my core.

I am scared, I feel that the hopeful in me is slipping away. =( Dont let me be like this Lord, give me hope, give me strength, give me courage to accept that not everything is within my control. That You will give me my heart's desire when you know it is the perfect time. Give mommy strength too, that she remain healthy for the transplant and that she would never feel forsaken by You. That despite her illness, that she too is equally blessed and loved by You.

Today at training, I felt people care deeply for me. Dana, a girl from Australia whom I'd known for only two days made me feel her sincerity. The way Janis looked at me, it was as if she wanted to take away some of my worries, I appreciate that she did not leave me throughout the day, she is such a good person with a very kind heart. i felt the whole group's genuine concern. Thank you Lord for the people you surround me with. I am reminded that you would never give me challenges like this that I wouldnt be able to bear.

So tomorrow is another day of waiting.

I Love The Colors of These Easter Eggs =) Happy Easter !!!

Have You Seen Me Lately?

On my bday this year, everything became blurry. Literally.

I cried a bit. I have always always taken pride with my 20/20 vision. And then shit happened and Im all of a sudden a four eyed whatever person I dint wanna say monster. =(

I am apparently near sighted and had astigmatism to add up to the combo. So if youve seen me lately, you would know what Im talking about. Its been more than a month and I still havent gotten used to spectacles, to make myself feel better, I bought a Dolce and Gabbana tortoise shell colored spectacles, to just make it seem like I would be glad to be half blind and yet stylish.

I hate it. I hate that it keeps on falling off my nearly invisible nose. And I hate that I have to keep on putting it back in place using my f*ck you finger. I hate that it makes me look old. I hate that it always gets dirty, I hate that I have to wipe the dirt off. I almost entirely hate evrything about it except that I havent had a severe migraine attack when I started wearing it. Aaaargh!

I couldnt have hated it more until the other day that someone called me Ms. Tapia. What the Heck??? Seriously? I know it was meant as a joke but, awwww Im not used to getting called names anymore, that is just so juvenile =(

Miss Tapia??? Seriously? I called my mom and told her about it and she was just laughing. My bestfriend just asked me if I was masunget? which was worse coz did she just validate that I look like her? wahhhh!!!!

anyway. i have no choice. at the risk of being called names of ugly celebrities, I CLEARLY HAVE NO CHOICE, coz I remember during my wedding, it took three people to fix contact lenses on me. Plus I hate the itch. You might not want to hear the long blah blahs of why I hate contacts.

Oh gosh. Im such a whining b*tch. Well I am. And that I hate too.

Weird Drink I mixed Today: Tomato Juice with ice and 7 Up!

Let's Pray for Japan.

And when you say yes, please really do pray. It takes only a few minutes, forget about your normal shout outs in fb, forget about showing off your ultra fantastic life that we all envy evryday, forget about whining and instead share a prayer.

My heart really goes out to evryone in Japan. =( Im so sad.

I could hear my heart pounding when one of my friends in Japan told me on chat how her husband walked for seven hours just to get home to them. awwwwwwwwwwwww. =( soo hard. Sumaket ang puso ko nung sinabi nya yun. Ang hirap naman, at the end of the day, where you want to be is next to the people you love and what hurts is that some of the people there have lost their loved ones forever. They left home, started the day like a normal day no one knew a quake that strong would happen. Oh my. And what would have been a normal day became a day of loss and sadness =(

I was in Karachi today and all I was thinking was to get the flight over with and I dint know that at the other part of the world people were dying people were losing loved ones =( so sad talaga.

Lord, my heart is weak, i know i have no right to question and yet and I cant help but ask why?. I hope nothing else follows, in these kinds of calamity we always lose. We are helpless. We can only hold on to faith.

Waiting Patiently for May

Bonus month that is. We are all anxious how much it's gonna be. Nobody knows, but rumors have made the expectations even higher. =)

I hope it's a lot coz I cant wait to shop! =)

If He Sings Storm Tomorrow, I will melt =)

Tomorrow, we'll be seeing Lifehouse play LIVE =) and this song is one of my favorites, ok let me give credit to husband because I heard it first because of him. I hope they play Sick Cycle carousel and Breathing and You and Me.

Awww im soo excited, been a long time since Ive seen a concert =)

OH HAPPY DAY! =)

Woooohooo today I passed the SFS assesment and I am SO Glad it's O-V-E-R !

The thing is when I want something so badly, I go crazy. and the past few weeks ive gone almost totally freakishly obsessive with the assesment =)But now I'm just so happy I made it along with one of the nicest Filipinas girl Ive met in the company, Camz. I hope Bryan makes it too =)

Im so happy Im so scared to get out of the house, Im pouring all my excess adrenaline on household chores, Im just too scared to go to the mall, I might feel to happy and buy myself jewelry! hahaha. =)

kakaloka kung nandon lang kau at nakita nyo ang energy ng lola nyo maloloka kayo saken para akong cheerleader kung mag motivate! hahaha

I look back at what I said and did and natatwa ko sa sarili ko. Well I guess Im just really blessed I can always insert humour in everything I do, pati sa assessment nkakatawa ako. Sabi nga ng friend ko na si cookie mukha ko pa lang nakakatawa na daw. =)

Sigh. Thank You Po Lord, you never fail to answer my prayers and requests, all the Glory is On Your Name.

Nway, ayoko magdrama. Natatawa lang ako nanalala ko sa sabi ni BRyan, sabi nung isang crew sa grooming ID AND HAT IN ITS PROPER LOCATION!!! hehe sa isip ko: PAKI CROSS CHECK NA RIN! hahahaha =)