I found this in my gym Bag today 😊

Anxious.

There are some things in my life I do not have control with and these things cause me to be anxious. And I am writing about it now in an attempt to make me feel a bit less anxious. Something happened last night and I cannot shake it off my head. It is making me overthink. And over thinking for me creates a problem that wasn't even there to begin with.

I am not a total control freak but my nerves get to me when things don't go my way. I alter my thoughts when this happens, but today, nothing works. I tried to confront the person causing my anxiety, but he made it worse. I made it worse too because the fact that he gives me no clue as to what's going on makes me even more agitated. My finances have been a wreck since the mid of this year and my feelings have been a roller coaster of shit because of this.  I have put myself in a very vulnerable position. And it is all my doing. I am seriously on the verge of a breakdown I fear.

I spoke to a friend to calm me down, he did a little bit and I was distracted for a while. But now I think about what could be's and disasters are spiralling in my brain.  I need sleep. I will sleep and forget about money for a bit. 

Body Pump With Anna

TUFF with Goldy Buenconsejo

When I picked Up Julia Today.

In Auckland, The City of Sails

EXCUSE MY SELFIE!

According to Crew Pulse, This is my 8th time here in Auckland. I cant remember all of it, but, what I know is that ever since I had Julia, this is the first time that I did not cry. But I am so severely jetlagged, it is now almost 7 am and I am still awake AF.  So many things in my mind. I did very little. I walked out yesterday, ate BBq duck and crispy pork, walked to the supermarket and that was it. Went back to the room and watched Casa de Papel. I was so intrigued by the guy named Rio whom crew cannot stop talking to me about. And before I knew it it was 7 am. I slept and woke up at 6in the evening. One day gone! I am so happy. One less day to think about shit and whatnots in my life. I then walked again, and being the creature of habit that I am, I ate the exact same thing I ate yesterday. BBQ duck and crispy pork. And then I went back to the room and watched casa de papel again. and still couldnt sleep. So here i am, re visiting this old blog. Last I was posted was January 2018. This is when my life was not as complicated as now. Had a bit of a chat with my friend G and showed him some videos in instagram from lucky manzano that always cracks me up. He does not know it, but Luis Manzano has kept me laughing out loud in layovers by myself.There are some posts of videos that has never failed to make me laugh. So many things on my mind. Like some failures and disappointments, and of people that I miss. But really all I want to do. is . sleep.

Five Year Old Julia

Oh God, how time flies. I haven't blogged for quite a long time. it's been almost a year. Now I am writing this in AKL and it's 5:18 in the morning. I miss Julia so much, although, I did not cry on this layover. I wathed ehr in the camera read with her baba. She refused to read and hates reading. Her baba started to raise his voice so Julia would read. I am happy with the Arlo camera taht we have. I get t see what is happening at home. And the fact that Dalai has a vpn on her samsung also allowed me to chat with Julia today. Which made me happy and less miserable here.

Under The Sunset

What a busy day meeting with friends. In the morning , I picked up Julia and then asked her if she wanted to watch The  Addam's family with ate France and Teo, And when you mention ate France, omg, it's like most definitely a yes for Julia. She adores France. France it a sweet and kind "ate" figure for Julia. She idolizes her. I remember France sang the song Faded in our house and Julia would request the song every morning when I dropped her to school until she knew the lyrics to it.

We bought popocorn and iced tea for Julia. I was so surprised to find out that Mina ordered a feast. It was our first time to try having pizza and France had a burger in the cinema. The pizza was yummers. I would do that again for sure. The kids had fun, I ate too much pizza and pop corn. At the end of the movie, the kids danced to the post movie credits and it was super fun. Then we had to immediately because I had ladies' night with my girls.

I cannot believe how these kids have grown. Look at Teo and Julia who are born only 9 days apart! They are growing up too fast, I can't keep up.